Feelings...

Sometimes it feels like it's not worth it anymore that it's best to just give up. That no one cares. That no one wants to be a friend and reach out to you when you need a friend the most. It feels like you are all alone in this world that there is nothing for you to do. No matter what you do it seems like it's not important at all. No matter how much you keep trying no one seems to appreciate you for who you are and that people are always wanting to change you or that they just don't want you in their life anymore. Leaving you there stranded all alone feeling as if you are not worth it or anything anymore in this world. Feeling as if this world will be better without you. Yet you are hanging on by a strand. Barley hanging on. About to give out and let go at any moment but you know that there is something good that is about to com. You just don't know when or where it'll come so you keep losing hope. Waiting for things to get better but seeing no changes. Having few people tell you that things are going to be okay and that they will work out. Someday things will get better but for now it's best to just hang on to that one strand that's keeping you up hoping that things will get better at some point. Sooner rather then later.

Choices

So lately with all the personal choices I have made in my life that I have shared with others has not gone how it could have. I've been attacked for these choices I have made. I shouldn't be getting attacked and put down because of my own personal choices that I am making in my life. People have been putting into their mind that my personal choices for my own life is something that they have to apply to theirs also and they don't like the idea. Yet somehow they are not grasping the fact of personal choice. They don't have to change and do what personal choices I am making. That's why it's a personal choice. A choice that I want to make in my life not in someone else's life. I can only control my own life not others. Please don't go attacking me on my personal choices either. You have no idea what I am going through and why I am making these choices. I have a reason behind everything that I do. I make these choices cause I feel as if they will be the best option for me at the time. This is how it will go. If people continue to attack me for my own personal changes then I'll have to make some more changes and block out those who are attacking me for the choices I am making in my life. I will be cutting back on sharing what is on my mind and keeping to myself a little bit more till I feel that people are done attacking me. This is how things are and will have to be for awhile. If you don't like it then to bad. It's my choice. I have been making many changes in my life and I will continue to do so to make myself a better person.

Major Changes For The Better.

Okay so I have been through a lot since graduating High School a year ago and I have realized a couple of weeks ago that there are some major changes I need to make in my life. Things that I need to get better at doing and some things that just have to change.

I have struggled at reading my scriptures my whole teen years. That doesn't mean that I didn't read them just that I'm not the best at reading them and I have decided earlier this year to work on getting better. I never really started to get better at it till a couple of weeks ago. I started to sit down and just for 30 or more minutes read them and have found that they are truly amazing when I sit down and just read them with no distractions at all and don't set myself a certain amount to read. I have gotten lost in them and have found that there has been times that I have read them for hours and ended up not doing the other stuff I had planned for the day but I felt better after reading them even though I didn't get done what I needed to. I still struggle at reading them but I am working at getting better at reading them. I am not setting myself a goal since goals do not always work. Instead I am sitting down during my free time to read them...which I have lots of.

Some other changes I am making is that I'm no longer letting people push me around and use me like they have in the past. I'm done with that all. I will speak my mind or just walk off. If you don't like this then that's your problem but I no longer want to be part of drama, bossed around, or used. I am my own individual person. I will do what I feel I need to do. What I feel I need to do may not be what you think I should do but that doesn't matter. You can give me your opinion as long as you word it in a way that makes it sound as an opinion or a suggestion instead of an order. I may still be a teenager as of right now but in about 3 months I will be no longer a teenager. I don't deserve to be treated as I have been and I won't put up for it anymore. I am setting my own personal rules that I will work at following. If you don't like them then fine. They are not rules for you they are rules for me. Some of them may effect others but those who are my true friends and really care about me will understand. They will realize that I am doing this for myself and to become a better person.

Now some of you already know this but I would rather talk to people face to face or over the phone. It's a lot more personal. There are some who I'm fine with talking to over the internet but those who I really care about I would rather talk to you in person or over the phone. I am cutting back my Facebook time. I will not get on Facebook much and if you ask me to get on to check something I will not get on till I want to get on. My life doesn't revolve around others. I have my own things I need to do and I will do those before I check Facebook. I refuse to let Facebook control my life anymore. I am also cutting back on my texting. There are the few who I will still text a lot but other then that I will not text like I use to. You know who you are if you are one of the people who I am okay with texting a lot. I will be working towards cutting back on my text usage and working on talking to people more over the phone or in person. This is a choice I made and again if you don't like it then that's okay cause it's a personal choice that I have made.

Those are the main changes I have made in my life as of right now. There are some other changes I have made in my life that I am working on and will continue to work on and there will be more changes I will make later on in my life. These are the choices I have made and feel that I need to do. I still care for everyone but if you don't hear from me as much don't be alarmed. If you want to hear from me then give me a call. If you don't have my number and want it let me know and I might give it to you depending on how I feel about you.

Lots of Love
Raven