Good Feelings :)

Some of you know...some don't....but there is someone who i'm absolutely crazy about. For those of you who know who he is...I'm sure by now you can name his name. There is so much about him that I just love. He has a great personality. I just love how he acts, that he is different from all the other guys out there. There is something special about him. I can't sit here and name every single qualities that he has that I love but I sure can name a good amount of them. He has many of the qualities that I want in a guy. The fact that he shows respect. He also isn't pushy like most men out there. He has brought so many things out in me that I have hidden away. I love that he is able to do that. He brings out the good in me. I haven't meet a guy before who was able to do this. One who just makes me happy. Happy to hear his name. Happy to see his face. Just happy in general. He's one that is always on my mind. No matter what I am not able to take my mind off of him. I love that. I feel like I can be myself around him. That I could trust him completely from the moment I first met him. For those of you who know me know that this isn't an easy thing for me to do. I know he is different then most guys out there. I love that. I could honestly just go on for hours talking about him. All the great things about him and how he is just amazing. Just being around him makes my heart start to pound. I feel like I'm in a whole different world. One where nothing matters but what currently is going on. It's so nice. I love that feeling. I can't wait to see what the future brings. I know things are going to be great in life and that they are starting up.

Life...Changes...Hurt...

It's been awhile since I've posted on here. There's been A LOT going on in my life. So much that I'm just getting to a breaking point now where emotionally I'm finding it hard to carry on. Yes life is better then it has been in the past. I am happier then I was before but there is so much going on now that I'm just not sure what to think of it all.

Yes I do have a new job and I quit the horrible place that I was working at before. I am now working as a cashier at Walmart and I am loving it. I have made some great friendships there. Also developed a real crush for someone. But yet there is just so much going on that is emotionally over whelming me.  It has nothing to do with the friends I have made that I have built a great friendship with. It's more so with this one guy who hasn't gotten the hint or even the word no. He hasn't quiet understood yet that I don't want what he wants. Yes he keeps trying to push himself on to me. No I am not comfortable with this. Yes I have tried to tell him. No he doesn't listen. Yes I feel like he stalks me at times. Yes he keeps grabbing me. Yes I have punched him in the face. No I do not want anything to do with him. I want to keep away from him. Yes I have tried to tell him to be just friends. No he hasn't gotten it through his head. Yes he keeps doing things to me that make me very emotionally confused. Yes he has hurt me emotionally. Yes I want to break his face. No I won't do it unless I have to. Yes I do feel like he is ruining any chances of me being with any other guy. Yes there is another guy who I am crazy about. Yes he tries to keep me away from him. No I can't avoid him no matter how much I try. Yes I do try to avoid him. There is just so much going on that I really don't know what to think and am finding it hard to process everything in my mind. There is a guy who I am crazy about and really want to get to know better but I feel like I'm being held back because of the guy who won't leave me alone. I really want things to work out with the guy I'm crazy about. He seems to be an amazing guy. I'm at a point in my life where I have great things in front of me but there is things that are trying to hold me back and keep me from getting those great things and no matter how hard I try there is a piece of rubber holding me back and not letting me get to those great things in life. There are so many things going on in my life that I want to let out but I am not sure on how to let it all out. Some of it I have let out and some of it I can't find a way to let it out. I really want things to go really good for me in my life. I want to succeed in life and have a great life but I find that hard to when there are so many things that are trying to pull me back and keep me from doing what I want and need to in life.

There is so much more I want to get off my chest but right now I feel like I got a good amount off and that I am unable to get the rest off of my chest.

Alone

Ever feel like not many people care for you? Like your alone in the world? I'm sure we have all been there. I'm sure everyone's been kicked out from a group cause the group wasn't willing to work with them because of the stubbornness of someone in that group that they where trying to teach and the fact that they gave up on that person and the others that where more then willing to learn and was working hard at trying to learn but gave up hope cause of the way they where treated and didn't feel welcomed by that group. Or feeling like no one cares for you or wants to hang with you. Giving up hope cause every time you try to do something that'd be fun or even something that will build the relationship the others don't want to and start to think you are using them for entertainment. Or getting your hopes up to making a big change in life only to be let down cause others get scared and don't want to ruining your plans and crushing your hopes. Or even those that ignore you cause they feel as if they have better things to do or better friends then to be with you instead of just once and awhile making conversation to see how each other is doing and what they have been up to. I feel like as I get older people get ruder and ruder and only want what they want instead of trying to help others or be there for others or even build up a relationship.

Moving on...

Okay so....I have been through a really rough year this past year. Been through the ups and downs, mostly the downs. I have barley gotten through it and am still struggling to get through everything. With it being a new year, I want to change things and try to have a year where it's mainly the ups. This year I will not deal with guys. I am taking a break from them for awhile. A much needed break. They have caused me to much pain over the past year and I need time to myself to figure out really what I want in a guy for a future husband and to become happy with myself. Something that I can't do with a guy being there distracting me. I have started to fall into a depression due to work over working me and among other things. There are a few things I have decided that I am going to do this year to make sure that I don't fall into a deeper depression and that I can get out of this depression that I was pulled into. 2013 is the year to move on with life. Start focusing on what I love in life. Become who I am ment to be. Find myself again. Become a stronger person. Among so many other things. I am not ready to let this year become a year like last year instead I am ready to make it the best year that I can.