A way with words...

I'm not sure why but for me it seems so much easier to just write things out instead of talking about them aloud. I'm not sure why this is but it's just how I have been for awhile. Things bottling up inside of me. Slowly causing more and more pain. Tearing me apart from the inside. Yet hiding it from the world. Telling no one what is bugging me. Not able to talk about it to anyone. The feeling of betrayal and hurt. Feeling always alone. That no one cares. That I'm the only one in this world and that I'm fighting alone. Waiting for someone to see and hear my silent cries. The cries that no one knows about. That no one will know about. Keeping it buried deep inside. Away from the world. Not able to share my feelings to the world. Yet wishing for everyone to know how I was feeling. To see the pain I'm going through. Wanting to know that I'm not alone in the world. Wanting to know that there is someone who's going through similar things that I'm going through. Wanting someone to just be a friend. Someone to talk to. Someone to go out and do crazy fun things with. Get out and do things. Get away from the depressive thoughts. To be able to free my mind from everything that is going on. Life is crazy. It's pulling me down. Down to a place I don't want to go. Wanting to free myself from this place that life is pulling me down to. Needing to get out. Get out and do something fun. Escape the craziness of life. The everyday tasks.

Ready To Give Up.

I'm tired of being strong. Tired of holding on. I just wanna let go. Let go of everything. I have been through way to much this year. I'm ready for it to be all over. I can't handle it anymore. I want this pain to go away. To never come back again. All this hurt that has been caused to me this year. All by several people. Made worse by others. I'm ready to give up. Ready to stop fighting. I don't want to do this anymore. I need to get away. Away from everything. To never have to deal with any of this ever again. Let go of everything from my past. To forget about it all. To have it not haunt me for the rest of my life the way it does now. I'm tired of putting on a happy face. Pretending that nothing is bugging me. When there is so much that is bugging me. Tired of hiding everything. Tired of acting like nothing is ever wrong when there is sooo much wrong and so much that is bugging me. So much that is taking the living daylight out of me. So much that is taking every living will out of me. I can't do this. I don't want to. I want it to all go away. I want to be happy. To forget everything.

Love...

As I'm getting older and older I'm starting to find that all my friends are starting to fall in love. Yet every time I fall in love I end up getting hurt. There has never been a time where I feel for a guy where he didn't hurt me. Slowly I'm starting to believe that maybe love isn't for me. After all not everyone gets married. Maybe I'm one of those people who's just not ment to fall in love and get married. Maybe I'm just suppose to get hurt over and over for the rest of my life. Never falling madly in love and getting married. For as long as I can remember I've been tricked to fall into guys games that they play with girls. It seems like no guy has dated me that really cares for me yet I know that there has been a couple. Yet all the guys who hurt me have made it seem like all guys are like this. I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever get a date. Find Mr. Perfect. So many guys out there are to stuck up in there own ways and could care less about a girl like me and for the feelings for a girl like me. Right now I don't think I'll ever find Mr. Perfect. Maybe I will one day but right now I don't think I will. Some guy who's not like the others will have to change this but I really don't think it will happen anytime soon. I would love to find a guy who's that amazing but with the way the world it going and how all the guys are I know that it's not going to happen for awhile.