Need to vent...

Okay so yah I already talked about this but there is so much more that has happened on this subject that I just needed to talk about it to someone. I don't care who. Anyone.

So as those of you know who read my last post about these problems know that there is a girl who has been treating me basically like a piece of crap. Well things got worse. Before blocking her number I asked her to please return my movie she borrowed two months ago and that she has a week to return it to me or it's classified as stealing. Well she got ticked off at me for saying this and decided that she is going to get her mom involved in this. After I had her number blocked I got a text from her mom telling me about how I need to stop lying and grow up. Also saying that this girl never stole my movie and that I gave it to her to borrow for as long as she wants. Now I NEVER do this. I only loan out movies for a weekend. No longer. I have been asking for this movie back for about two months now and every time I asked for it back she would ignore me like she didn't have the movie. Back to the main part. Her mom kept on texting me telling me how it's my responsibility to get the movie back and it's not really theirs to get it back to me even though I have been asking for it back for awhile. Her mom then decided that she was going to go drop it off at my mom's work last friday. I went in to my mom's work and the movie was never there. So I figured it would get dropped off monday. Monday came and went same with Tuesday. Now it's Wednesday and I get a text from her mom yelling at me and basically treating me as if I'm her daughter to lecture. I told her to please not talk to me like that and to drop my movie off where she said she would and to not contact me anymore. An hour later I get a text from her saying that it's at the police station in a town 25 minutes away! It also said that I have till 5pm to pick up the movie or it goes into the evidence room and becomes evidence for a court case! Now this is pushing it. This never needed to happen. The police shouldn't be involved in this. It's stupid and down right immature. It's a movie that could EASILY be returned to me but they had to make a big deal out of it and take it to the police as they do with all their problems. It's now almsot 2pm and I have class till 4pm. No way of getting the movie back in time. I asked one of my friends if she could please go get it for me and if they don't let her pick it up to please give me a call so I can explain things to the police. She gladly said she would do it for me.

Honestly I think this whole thing is stupid and I'm done with drama. I have decided that if you want to start drama in my life and not work things out then you don't need to be in my life intill you are ready to work things out. I don't need people treating me like this.

Things that bug me

This is just something I need to get out there. For someone to read or for someone to not read. Doesn't matter as long as it's out there. 

So lately I have this friend and things have gone down hill big time in the friendship. For a couple of months every time I'm with her ALL we do is talk about guys. Nothing else. She is always telling me about how she needs a boyfriend and how I need to find her one. That she is tired of being alone and needs a boyfriend. It has gotten to the point of just being annoying to the point where I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to be the one who is the hook up girl who hooks people up. That's not me. I strongly believe in just letting things happen and making your own efforts at things. If things are ment to be it will happen. If it's not ment to be then move on. Things will get better. But no matter what she doesn't think they will. She is convinced that she will be alone forever. 

She has also been telling me all the time that I'm not allowed to flirt with guys, that I can't go on dates, that I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend, get engaged, married till she gets married. She says it's just joking but the fact that she has been saying it for so long and all the time proves to me that she is just selfish. Wants all the attention and needs a guy but is to lazy to go out and get her own. It is something that is not just annoying but it hurts. She doesn't realize how much it hurts me to hear her say that to me. She thinks it's not that big of a deal and that I have no idea what sarcasm is. 

She has also told me that I think that EVERY guy flirts with me. No matter who the guy is if he talks to me she thinks that I think that is flirting. It's not. I know what flirting is. It's not my fault that there is lots of guys who do flirt with me. I don't choose who flirts with me. I have and never will think that every guy flirts with me. 

She finds it annoying how when I get a date and I tell her but yet she tells me when she gets a date and who it's with and stuff. I find this plain out immature. A girl should be allowed to go on a date and tell her friends who she considers good friends about how the date went. She shouldn't have to keep her life that consists of dating and stuff to herself. It's not right. Girls like to talk about this stuff. I should know cause I'm a girl. 

One thing that just set me off today is when she told me how I think I'm prettier then all the other girls out there. Which is not true. There are MANY girls out there who I think are very pretty and would love to hear tips on beauty from them. This just ticks me off. She thinks I'm self centered when I'm not. I'm loving and care for people. It also bugs me how she is always saying how she is not pretty and stuff when she is. I'm just tired of her doing stuff like this to me. I can't handle it. 

There is so much that is going on and I'm just done with it. This is the majority of what is going on with her and me. I'm done with it. I blocked her on Facebook today and blocked her number from texting/calling me. If she is going to treat me like trash and put me down trying to hurt my feelings then I'm not going to talk to her. 

Feeding Frenzy of Fashion!

I really should blog more...but I don't see that happening for a long time.

So lately things have been between ehh and good. I guess there has been lots that have been bugging me but yet I try to shove it in the back of my mind and just have fun while trying to forget about everything. It works at times but it always ends up coming out at some point. There is just so much that is going on in life now days that it's really hard to hold things together without falling apart. I wanna stay strong buy yet I can't always. It seems like at times there is no one there or that it just seems like no one knows what you are going through or ever will and that you just have to go through it alone without anyone there. Waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel to come but yet it doesn't seem to come.

So lately for like a couple of months I have been sick off and on. It's not like one day during the week I feel sick then the next I'm better. It's more like one minute I'm totally fine and then the next minute I feel super weak, start to get a little dizzy and feel like I might lose my stomach. It's basically gotten to the point where I can only eat 1 meal a day and if I eat more then that then I have stomach pains and start feeling sick or if I eat to much in one setting. I can't fully eat a full meal in one sitting unless I force myself to and deal with the pains it'll cause later. I am also not able to eat junk food without getting sick either. It has to be healthy food but not healthy as in what society thinks is healthy. Healthy as in what I have and probably will always consider healthy(my terms of healthy below). I have also been losing A LOT of weight since the summer. About 20 pounds or more. I have no idea why or whats going on at all. I have also gotten my blood pressure checked and it's on the low side of normal. I'm not sure if it's always been like this but I know it's low. I'm not sure if this could be a reason why I'm sick off and on or if there is something else. There are also some other things going on but those I don't feel like posting on here for certain reasons.

Healthy: Healthy eating to me is hardly any meats (no matter what kind it is). Nothing with sugar or to much sugar. No drinks that are sugary or have under 100% juice. Drink lots of water. Eat bread once and awhile. No milk unless it's cooked into something or part of something else. Soy milk is allowed. Lots of fruits and veggies. Chips very rarely. Cookies rarely and those depend on the type that they are. Sea food is allowed. No to hardly any salt. There is much more that I just can't think of right now.

So onto the good things that have been going on. I have met lots of great new friends this year. It seems like I am really fitting in here in UT. I feel like UT is where I am suppose to be at. I have been accepted by so many people and it just makes me feel so great that so many people want to get to know me and be my friend. I really enjoy it here and don't want to leave intill I have to.

On to other great things. I have recently learned that I'm an amazing artist. I never knew that I could draw till this semester. I still diss on my drawings a lot but as I look back at them I'm proud of what I am able to do and can't wait to get better.

Then a side random note: Adobe Photoshop CS6 comes out this spring sometime!!! And I"m a beta tester!!! I LOVE it! Can't wait to buy the full version and get to own it and call it mine.

Anywho's

Peace out

Rae

Positive Thought Challenge

Have you ever stopped and just sat to think about what most of your thoughts are? To see if they are thoughts that are negative and bring you down? Or if they are thoughts that are positive and uplifting?

This is probably something that most of us don't stop to think about. I never put any thought to if my thoughts are positive or if they are negative till today....when I realized just how much negativity can be in our lives from negative thoughts.

Today I got the chance to hear from Hilary Weeks (billionclicks.org) talk about positive thoughts and I was blown away by her amazing talk. It really touched me and inspired me to try to be more positive in life. Forget about the negativity. Focus on the positive and try to be a better person. We all want to be happy and in order to be happy we have to have positive uplifting thoughts. Thoughts that make us happy for who we are and not negative thoughts that make us sad for who we are not and want to be.

One of the things that she asked us was... "If something had to run through your mind everyday to make you who you are what would it be?" As I thought about this question I realized that there are so many positive things about me that I should be thinking about everyday to make me a better person and that I need to push out the negative thoughts. The negative thoughts are not going to get me any where in life besides to a state of depression that no one wants to be at. We all want to be happy and strive everyday, looking for different ways to be happy. I know that by thinking positive thoughts I will be able to be happier in life. Look at the little things that make you happy.

I have decided to take on a positive thought challenge and want to challenge each and everyone of you to join me in this challenge. In this challenge I want you to keep a count of how many positive thoughts you have each day for at least a week. At the end of each day I want you to write down in a journal or something how many positive thoughts you had that day. At the end of the week add up all of those positive thoughts and record how you feel. Feel free to share your thoughts with me or with who ever you want to. Also if you want to, send this challenge on to your friends. In addition to the positive thoughts challenge, I want to challenge each of you to only post positive status's on Facebook. Don't post anything for a week that is negative or depressing. See how you feel by the end of the week.

-Rae

Make a Difference

Do you ever feel like after doing everything you can possibly do to be the best friend you can to people that all the hard work is wasted and that they don't care about you? Or when you try to stay friends with them to keep a great friendship alive and just to be there for them that they don't want it and just plain out ignore you and don't even make and effort to be friends with you? Or that they don't even try to make an effort to make time for you to be in their life but they make time for others who have been in their life way longer then you have?

It seems like this happens a lot lately. It seems like there is so many people out there who they try to be friends with, try to keep the friendship strong, try to be there for them, and just let them know they are there and that they do want to spend time with them to make great memories is just thrown out the door. Like they don't even care. Like they say they care about you but yet they never show it. They always seem too busy for you and don't want to make time for you intill after so long of asking them to or even then they decline you. Yet you don't want to let the friendship go but yet everyone is telling you to. Like you know deep down that they do want to be your friend but yet they just don't show it. That they want to hold on to other things that they might lose and they don't want to venture out to make new memories with other friends besides the normal one's that they have known for so long. Like they only want the one's they grew up with to be close to them and no one else. It doesn't seem like this is fair at all. Yet it happens.

It's hard on those who have moved around a lot in their lives. Have had to leave friends behind and had to try to make new one's but yet are not accepted because they didn't grow up there. Like they don't belong there. Making them feel like they don't matter in this world. That those who did grow up in the area are more important to them because they have been there longer then what you have. I've always been taught to venture out and make new friends. Make them feel welcome. Don't push them away. You never know what they are going through. I've been taught that if you don't try to be there for others and push them away you could be causing more harm to them then you think. They could be on the verge of doing something dramatic because they feel like no one cares for them. Like they are all alone in this world with no one to talk to.

I wish there was a way to end this. I wish I could put an end to it but I can't.  I see this happen ALL the time. I've seen some people do things that can't be undone. We all have faults to us but none of us should ignore or mock someone else. We should all try to be friends to each other. Don't push someone out cause they are not like you or didn't grow up where you did. Be there friend. Don't just say you care about them...SHOW them that you care. You can make a difference in someone's life. You may not realize that you are but to them you are the world. By reaching out to them you help them realize that they are not alone that people are out there who care and want to be your friend. I want to challenge those of you who are reading this to reach out. Find a friend who you haven't really shown much that you care for them or talked to them...and I mean truly heart to heart talked to them and show them that you do care for them. Invite them to do something with you. Don't wait for them to ask you to do something with them. Be the one to make the difference in that person's life. Listen to them and just be the best friend you can to them. We can all make a difference in this world by just being friends to others. Lets not sit around and wait for something bad to happen before we do something like this. Lets take a stand and do it now.


Love each and everyone of you. I TRULY care about each of you.

<3 Rae

Much needed rant.

I hate ranting but I feel like I need to get this out there. Lately life has been not the best and what seems like not worth living at the moment but I'm know it will hopefully get better. There has been lots going on. 

First of all there is a girl who USE to be my best friend but she caused so much pain and harm to me from physical to emotional that I ended the friendship. That was 4 months ago. She has continued to cause me pain. It has gotten to the point where I don't feel safe around here. Recently she has decided that it is okay to be my friend without giving me an apology for what she has done and after all the chances I have given her. She has no right to try to do what she is doing after all the pain she has caused to me and continues to case toward me. It has gotten to the point where I don't feel safe when I'm around certain area's that I have to be at during that time cause of her. I have no idea what to do anymore. It's getting to the point where I'm half considering dropping out of school or trying to transfer to another school. 

There is also in one of my classes where I had to miss a day because of family stuff and because of that I get punished by the teacher by be placed into different groups and finally they just all decide to kick me out and leave me in the dust. Starting by planning meeting to work on the project when they KNOW I can't go due to other classes. After trying to talk to the teacher and being ignored, being treated by majority of the class, and other crap. I'm to the point where I'm done with it all and don't care about passing the class anymore or even going. 

Then also I feel as if EVERYONE but maybe 1-3 people are ignoring me and don't care about me. I'm not sure if this is true or if it's just because I'm going through a rough time at the moment but if there is something that I have done to any of you out there and you are ignoring me PLEASE talk to me about it so it can be worked out! I can't fix mistakes I have done if I don't know why you are ignoring me. If your doing it because you don't think I care about you then you are wrong. I'd do anything for each and everyone of my friends. If I could I would take all of you out to eat or on a vacation. Please don't ignore me. I love each of you. 

If you read all of this then kudo's to you. It's just a much needed rant that I have been needed to tell someone but it seems like no one is there to listen so I blogged about it. Please if you know the names of ANYONE I'm talking about DO NOT mention them to anyone! If you want to talk to me then that's up to you. For now I'm done talking to anyone unless they talk to me intill things get better. I have no idea of how long this will be for but it's a choice I have decided to make. Sorry if this upsets any of you but it's something I need to do. 

Talk/Friend/Follow Him in Faith

As some of you know I go to the noon devotionals on Fridays for the LDS Institute program at my school. There is so much to be learned each week. It's so nice getting the chance to listen to a speaker each week talk about something that it seems like I need in my life at the time. It amazes me on how much I learn each week that I haven't known already.

This past Friday I got the privilege to listen to Alex Boyé. It was beyond amazing. A true inspiration. He talked about letting things go and not holding on to them. You don't need to hold onto every little thing in life. Move on, forward, with life. You will find that if you just let things go you will be more happy with your life.

Favorite part of his talk; "I know God don't have a smart phone but I can still talk to him. I know he doesn't have a Facebook but I can still friend him. I know God don't have a twitter but I will still follow him through life."

This line couldn't be anymore true. He is ALWAYS there and is always there to be your friend.

We shouldn't ignore him or kick him out of our life because we can't "friend" him on Facebook or follow him on twitter. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have a phone that we can just call whenever we want from our phone.

We can ALWAYS give him a "call" through a prayer. He is always listening. The Lord cares about each and everyone of us. He wants us to live with him again someday.

We shouldn't have to talk to him through Facebook and like his every post. He is already a friend to each and everyone of us. If we want to read "status" from him we can pick up our scriptures and read them. It's something that we have that is better then what Facebook will ever be. We can always read it and it doesn't make changes like Facebook does. It's context is something that each and everyone of us will love.

We shouldn't have to "follow" him on twitter. We should follow him in faith. Trust him. There is so much that we can learn from him. He is there for us and loves each one of us. Unlike twitter he won't block us from following him. He loves us to much to do so and wants each and everyone of us to return to him.

I know he is there for us and always will be. He wants to help each and everyone of us out. He wants us to return to him. We shouldn't turn him away.